Moving Forward

an educational program to diminish the effects of divorce on children and adults

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This page offers some advice on how to deal with children during divorce

  • Important messages
  • What children need
  • How to talk to your kids

Important Messages to Give Your Children

0Tell your children:

  • "I love you. I will always be available."
  • "It's not your fault."
  • That feelings are okay. It's not wrong to feel sad, angry, etc. as well as to miss and love both parents.
  • Actions must be controlled.

What Children Need

Children need:

  • To have a positive relationship with both parents.
  • To have their parents communicate directly so they are not trapped in the middle.
  • To avoid hearing one parent criticize the other.
  • To have private time with each parent weekly.

How to Talk to Your Kids

You should:

  • Listen attentively. Make eye contact.
  • Acknowledge the child's feelings without trying to fix them. Example: "It sounds like you are angry," instead of, "Cheer up. Don't be upset."
  • Give the child his wishes in fantasy. Example: "I wish I could make that come true for you."
  • Remember all feelings are to be accepted and respected even though certain actions must not be tolerated